The best advice I received before our first baby was born: put your spouse first.
The hardest advice to follow after having children: put your spouse first.
The Hubby and I are completely on board with this advice, but putting these words into action is much more difficult than either of us ever thought!
I’m not an expert at prioritizing my spouse, but there are a few VERY simple things we do to make sure the boys know our husband-wife relationship if the most important in the house, second only to our relationship with God…
1. We try to set aside some time for just The Hubby and I to talk while the kids are awake, especially after he gets home from work. The boys are not allowed to interrupt {unless someone is bleeding, which is entirely possible in a house of boys}, and it is a chance for them to see communication with one another as a priority to us! We know of a couple who have 15 minutes of talk time on the couch as soon the husband arrives home from work. The children know to find something else to do during this time!
2. The Hubby has always been good about telling the boys at bedtime that it is now “Mommy and Daddy time.” It’s a small thing, but it demonstrates to them that we enjoy spending time with each other and make it a priority!
3. I like to ask The Hubby what he would like for dinner when I am menu planning. Prioritizing is not always about time, but about wants and needs as well. The Hubby is not usually home for lunch and I want dinner to be an enjoyable meal for him. Plus, if I made what the kids wanted all of the time, we would get bored VERY fast!
None of these activities are hard. None of them take much time. All of them will show your children that your spouse is your priority without making them feel like second-class citizens.
In fact, I think children feel more loved in a family environment where the parents are correctly prioritizing one another!
But there are not just children – there is the rest of life to balance as well…
Does your spouse come before your hobbies? the housework? your online time?
I can’t honestly answer yes to that every day. And because time can be such a gray area, it is easy to make little choices here and there that gradually put your spouse on the back burner.
I am challenging myself and you to not let this slow fade happen! Prioritize your spouse’s needs and wants. Prioritize time with your spouse. And watch as it strengthens your family as a whole!
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Family Tie #9: The way you spend your time reflects your priorities, so take a look at your daily life and calendar. Look for ways to put your spouse as a higher priority in your life. Share in the comments one thing you will do this week to put your spouse first! For more inspiration for your marriage, spend some time over at Women Living Well and The Unveiled Wife – great encouragement!
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I'm Erin, a wife, boy mom x 3, writer, and runner in Nebraska! I'm excited to share all my favorites relating to faith, family, fashion, and fitness in this space! Enjoy! 
Awesome! This is one thing I take lots of time to go over with the premarital couples I counsel, and go over a lot with myself, too! I love the tips you gave! Our biggest struggle is Eric is overwhelmed and exhausted (mentally, emotionally, etc) when he gets from home work everyday {maybe like your hubby, too?} so communicating in general is hard for him, like letting it all out. But we make dinners a huge priority, so we talk then, and I am glad our kids know dinner is big in our house, sometimes the girls carry on their conversation, Eric and I carry on ours, it works for us 🙂
Hi Erin!
I just joined the Tommy Mommy Team and really enjoyed your post so I decided to visit your blog. Great advice on putting Hubby first. Sometimes I get so worried about housework and other things that I forget my husband needs my attention too. My goal today is to let the house be (even though its a mess) and prioritize him. We just had a baby a few months ago and definitely need some “us” time. Thanks for the reminder!
This is something we have been working on in our relationship. When we both come home from work, we are drained–emotionally, mentally, physically (he’s a construction project manager and I work as a family outreach case manager). We are working on spending time in the kitchen before supper together, talking and decompressing our days and finding something fun to laugh about. Our son is really good about getting his excitement out that Dad is home right away while Mom gets a few things ready for supper, and then he gets his Dad time in during supper and afterward when we all sit down together and just “exist” as we like to call it. Everyone gets pj’s on, and we just veg out for about 30 minutes. Sometimes there is popcorn and a movie involved, but the best place to end my day is on the couch snuggled between my boys.
Loving this blog!!! So thankful that I can get email updates right away because I think I am on my email 99% of the day! 🙂
LOVE this, Erin! One of the ways I do this is to ask my husband every day before he leaves for work, “What can I do to help you today?” Some days he needs me to run an errand and sometimes he wants something specific for supper … and of course some days he just says with a wink, “I’ll tell ya later!”
He has told others that question is what has kept our marriage strong … because every day I make it a priority to know what I can do to help him.
Great post!
LOVE that! Thank you for sharing! I’m adding that to our daily routine!
I could write a book on this. HA HA. It’s such an important subject. I agree with Erin, asking how you can help. My #1, besides what you’ve listed, is a date night, if not weekly, bi-weekly or monthly. Essential. We’ve done it for years. The best investment ever. I see the marriages now (20-25 years later) who did not do this. I see ours. You have to get out of the house. Putting the kids to bed and sitting and talking is good, but you need to take it a step further. Get dressed up for each other. Get out of the “home” element. Yes, so important. Always love your writing, girl!
Thank you so much, Sandy!
And I couldn’t agree more about date night! We’re trying to find a regular babysitter in our new town, but we took advantage of visiting grandparents this weekend and it was SO nice to be out again!
Maybe you SHOULD write a book on it?! 🙂 xoxo