parenting Archives - Home With The Boys

Reading the Word as a Boy Mom: Thoughts on Bravery

April 8, 2013 By Erin 5 Comments

You know all of those guys in the Bible? The disciples? The warriors? The kings? The everyday men God used to further His Kingdom? You know what they all had in common?

They all had moms.

We don’t hear about some of these moms and some of them may not have been present in their sons’ lives at the time they are found in the Bible, but they definitely all had moms. And I’ve been pondering a lot lately the mom’s perspective behind some well-known heroes of the Bible.

Reading the Word as a Boy Mom

Think about Peter and Andrew, a story we heard again at church yesterday…

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” ~Matthew 4:18-19

I never really thought about it before having children, but these two brothers must have seemed insane to their mom. They had jobs. They made their living doing fairly normal work for that time and place. And because some newcomer to town asked them to join him on who-knows-what kind of journey, they just left it all?! Peter and Andrew’s mom had to be thinking, “Crazy kids.”

I’m sure David’s mom had a HEART ATTACK when she learned that he had taken on Goliath.

And what about Joshua’s mom? What in the world was she thinking when she heard he was leading the troops in marching circles around a city in order to take it over? Did she think he was delusional?

I’ve been reading Bible stories with the boys and chapters in my own Bible time and I can’t help but think of those boys’ mamas. I’ve been reading the Word as a boy mom wanting to know more about the boy moms behind the great “stars” of God’s story. I want to know what they said to their sons before and after their God-sized adventures. I want to know how they felt and what they prayed and if they had any inkling of how God was using their boys. I want to know if they were scared.

Jen Hatmaker shared very profound words at dotMom in Birmingham last fall that I can’t shake out of my brain…

Scared moms raise scared kids. Brave moms raise brave kids. Real disciples raise real disciples.

If David’s mom had said, “Nope. No way you’re letting my young son go join his brothers near the battle lines,” the Philistines may have just had their way with the Israelites and then…well, God is control, but the story probably would have proceeded much differently.

The story of David and Goliath is a great example to my boys of God doing great – AMAZING – things through young people. David didn’t see his age or size as limitations. He saw only what God saw in him and what He could do through him.

But if I was David’s mom, I’m afraid – no, I’m SURE – I would have been running after him, telling him there was no way he would walk right in to the middle of that danger zone. What is that kind of attitude from me going to teach my boys?

Following Jesus looks different for every single person. For Peter and Andrew, it meant giving up everything they knew and literally walking with Jesus. Saul walked out of the “safety” of being the persecutor right into the line of persecution when he was converted.

When my boys come to me with a big, crazy, wild idea that involves following a call God has placed on their lives, I want to be able to say, “YES! Go for it! I’m cheering you on all the way!” Honestly, I’m not there yet. Fear and worry are much more present in my parenting than I care to admit. But I am praying for the strength and courage from God to get me there.

This verse…

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. ~2 Timothy 1:7

That is the verse I want to guide my mind as we raise these boys to be BRAVE followers of Jesus.

And, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I will be their BRAVE mom.

Have you had to be brave when your kids wanted to do something that scared you? What helps you find courage as a parent?

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Filed Under: boys, motherhood, parenting, Scripture

Connecting Church and Home

March 29, 2013 By Erin 8 Comments

I mentioned in my post on Tuesday that I’m hungry to know more about grace, and one of the reasons for my renewed interest as of late is a fantastic book I just finished.

Tim Kimmel is well-known for his book Grace-Based Parenting, which is sitting on my shelf waiting to be read {but has moved up significantly on my to-read list}. His newest book takes a look a bridging the gap between families and church ministry programs and finding a way to partner together.

You know my heart for families. I want to see families better connected to God and to one another. This is exactly the heart Kimmel shares in Connecting Church & Home, adding the church as another piece to the connection puzzle.

My passion for encouraging families developed in part from seeing so many parents leaving the spiritual growth of their children up to the church. Many parents don’t feel “qualified” and look to the church to do the spiritual teaching and discipleship for them. Kimmel addresses this very thing in the beginning of this book, so of course I was hooked on his every word from there on out…

Typical parents not only don’t feel they know what they’re doing when it comes to leading their kids spiritually, but they also assume the job it too complicated for it to ever be intuitive.

This quote made me so sad because I see it all over the place, as The Hubby and I spent many years as youth volunteers, in raising children alongside others, and even expressed by people I come in contact with here in the world of social media and blogging. Kimmel talks about this mindset creating a harmful dependency on the church to do the “heavy-lifting” of bringing kids to spiritual maturity. Dad & Mom assume they have nothing to offer their children in which the church wouldn’t do a better job. And in return, churches stop encouraging those same parents to be major players in the development of their own children’s faith, but instead “spoon-feed” them with just enough to go along with what the kids are learning in the children’s programming on Sundays.

There’s a lot of finger-pointing that could break out in all of this, but Kimmel wants to unite families and churches in the common goal of raising generations to love the Lord and live out grace {see, there’s that word again!}. This definition lays it all out…

A family is supposed to be “the domestic church.”…Dads and moms are supposed to be the pastors and pastorettes of a full-blown, albeit tiny, freestanding ecclesia. Their job is to do the work of the ministry throughout the week in their children’s lives and then make sure they bring their family to church on full rather than empty when Sunday comes around. The church (“a collection of domestic churches is supposed to come alongside mom and dad as an ally, mentor, and cheerleader…it’s supposed to be there to help families through the tougher seasons of life. So, the church does its normal teaching and training, but it’s supposed to be in complement to what’s happening at home, not in place of.

Okay, so I know that was a really long quote, but THAT is the heart of this book and I underlined that over and over and said, “AMEN!” out loud when I read it.

And as Kimmel goes on in the book about how to make this partnership work with grace as the unifying theme, I underlined probably half of the book. I love how he lays out WHY it needs to work and a basic framework of HOW to make it happen, including real-life examples of parents and churches living it out.

Parents and ministry leaders alike are in need of this message – it’s meant for a wide audience because the issue impacts a LOT of people! The book isn’t very long so you can read through it pretty quickly, but there is a lot of meat that you will want to go back over once you finish, from the role of grace in families and churches to an awesome “paper napkin family ministry” layout you will want to reread many times.

Connecting Church & Home was released in partnership with two great ministries focused on families – Family Matters and D6 Family. Make sure you check them both out for tons of great resources on this same topic!

I’ll leave you with one last favorite quote from the book…

Strong Churches Graphic Tim Kimmel

How do you see your church coming alongside families right now? How would you like to see that family-church partnership grow or change?

*I was provided this book to review. I was not compensated in any way for this review and all opinions are 100% my own.

**This post contains affiliate links.

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Filed Under: book review, faith, family, parenting, reviews

We Choose Virtues {Review & Giveaway}

March 15, 2013 By Erin 62 Comments

Let’s be honest: there are a LOT of good ideas and programs out there for teaching our children character and Biblical virtues. I have not gone looking for any program and still I have heard about four to five new-to-me programs since the beginning of 2013.

I actually tend to get overwhelmed when this subject comes up because as soon as I start one method, I hear about something else and want to switch to that!

So, all that to say this post is NOT telling you to switch from something that is already working for your family. This is simply me telling you about a program we have recently started and fallen in love with!

We Choose Virtues caught my attention when a few online friends mentioned it, and as I look around their site, it was statements like this that made me very interested…

It has been said that character is not one more thing to add to your plate, character IS the plate. This system is not a curriculum or a unit study, it is a language that that you rehearse and demonstrate for the first 10-15 minutes every time you get together no matter what else you are teaching!

Creator Heather McMillan observed a need for more effective character instruction in her role as a teacher and pastor. Here’s more about why We Choose Virtues came to be…

As her passion continued to grow, she realized that she wanted to teach children how to change. Not just a momentary change of actions, but a more lasting change in their attitudes as well. Her observation is that children needed to be inspired by simple, positive and consistent instructions, and parents and teachers needed an effective language with which to communicate these instructions.

Our boys are very verbal and visual. They love to talk and they love to read. We Choose Virtues utilizes both to help families incorporate the twelve virtues into everyday life!

Simple sentences are used to help children learn what the virtue IS and what it IS NOT. Bible verses are included to reinforce each virtue. Cute illustrations and stories of “Kids of VirtueVille” help make each virtue come to life!

We’ve been using We Choose Virtues for three weeks now and we are using the phrases we’ve learned so far all the time! For example, I asked the boys to help with a quick full house clean-up before dinner last night, and I heard Little J say, “Ok, whatever you say, I will obey right away!” It was so cute AND he remembered that phrase from our first week!

All of the virtue posters are hung up with clothespins and twine in our school room where the boys can see them often. The Three Rules poster is also hanging in our school room. And the virtue poster of the week is clipped on to the calendar in our kitchen, with the parent card stuck in the pocket behind it!

We Choose Virtues Three Rules

We have been using the homeschool kit, the most comprehensive kit available from We Choose Virtues. It is an investment, but a worthy one as it includes…

Reusable tools

Parenting Cards (Teacher cards for families!)
Virtue Flash Cards for families
Kids Virtue Poster
Three Rules Poster
Kids of VirtueVille MINI Posters

Consumable tools

100 Days of Virtue Chart and Butterfly Stickers
25ct pad Virtue User Reviews

Downloadable/reproducible PDF tools

Teacher’s Handbook (no need to print this handbook. Just read and save for easy reference)
Butterfly Awards
Family Character Assessment
Kids of VirtueVille Coloring Pages

This has seriously been a great experience for us so far! I’ve been working on the virtues along with the boys, particularly the virtues of diligence and self-control! I love that We Choose Virtues emphasizes these virtues are for the whole family, not just the kids!

To celebrate March as Homeschool Month, We Choose Virtues is offering the code HOME20 which gives you 20% off the homeschool kit! This sale has actually been extended through April as well!

To get more inspiration for how to use this in your home, you MUST check out the We Choose Virtues Pinterest boards! GREAT stuff there! And connect on their Facebook page for lots of discussion and specials!

Today, I have the pleasure of giving away a set of We Choose Virtues Parenting Cards! Just enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*I was provided the homeschool kit for review purposes. I was not compensated in any other way for this post and all opinions are 100% my own.

**This post contains affiliate links.

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Filed Under: giveaway, homeschool, kiddos, parenting, product review, reviews

I Can’t Make My Kids Care

March 4, 2013 By Erin 6 Comments

I want to teach my kids to be compassionate.

I’ve said it before but I’m not sure I totally agree with this statement anymore, since what I used to mean when I said that was…

I want to make my kids be compassionate.

You see, I’ve come to realize that I can’t MAKE my kids care about something.

Just like I can’t MAKE them like broccoli or MAKE them love that old movie I adore.

I Can't Make My Kids Care

{No, I did not MAKE them hug for this picture! Pure moment of brotherly love for the win!}

This realization was REALLY frustrating to me at first:

I’m the parent, right?! I can’t MAKE them feel love or mercy or compassion for someone else?!

After a few times trying to force them to get on board with charity projects I wanted to do, I have learned to take a different approach to this whole “teach them compassion” thing.

What I CAN do is two-fold:

Show them that I care.
Give them the tools to jump into action when they DO care!

This has taken a LOT of pressure off of me and actually created more opportunities for the boys to grow in compassion!

So, what does this look like?

Show them that I care.

There is great power in a parent’s example. I remember trying over and over to “teach” Double J {our youngest} to clap and he wanted nothing to do with being forced to do it. Fast forward a few weeks and he notice one of us clapping at something and joined in! He didn’t want to be made to do anything, but he did want to mimic what Daddy and Mommy were doing!

When we decided to sponsor a child through Compassion, I actually didn’t involve the boys in the process of picking a child. At the time, they were still young and the details were not important to them. So I picked a child I felt drawn to – his precious face and March 17th birthday the same year as Big J told me he was ours right away

When Samson’s picture arrived, I told the boys about him and where he lived and tried to get them excited about writing to him. They didn’t “get” it yet. They drew something because I told them to, but I knew their hearts weren’t really in it.

At that point I decided I would keep his picture where we all could see it, pray for him when I prayed for the boys, write letters, and read his letters out loud when they came, but wait for them to gain interest in their own time.

And the boys did start to be interested in him. Big J would be working on his Scripture handwriting sheets and decide he wanted to send it Samson. Little J was making Christmas cards for grandparents and asked if he could make one for Samson, too. Their care and love for Samson didn’t come through forced activities. It developed over time as they saw The Hubby and I caring for him through our prayers and words.

As parents, our example of compassion, mercy, and love for those in need goes much further than anything we could MAKE our children do. It may take longer than you like, but genuine compassion is much better than forced compassion!

Give them the tools to jump into action when they DO care!

Eventually, there will be a cause or person in need that catches your child’s attention. For Big J, it was the children who didn’t have beds or safe places to sleep. When he brought it up, I was ready with the question:

“Would you like to try to help them?”

When he answered yes, I got on board with him and we found a way to do something for those kids!

Keep your ears open for the things your children say that show they are wanting to help someone and be a ready to help them out!

Nickels for Nets flier

If they want to raise money for an organization, help rally friends and family to collect money like we did with Nickels for Nets, but let them do most of the asking, counting, etc. so they hold on to ownership of the project! I made the flier above on the computer, but Big J handed them out and told people what he was raising money for, as well as counting the money himself!

If they notice a friend who needs some encouragement, have some cards ready they can use to write their friend a note! Dayspring has these totally awesome U-NEEK cards just for kids that include messages of encouragement, friendship, prayer, love, and more.

Be willing to search for charities or programs that help the people your child is interested in helping!

Let your children know you are willing to commit family resources – such as time and money – to support something about which they feel passionately!

Side note: I do think it is okay to require all family members to participate {with a good attitude} in a cause that one family member feels is important because it fosters the “team” atmosphere of the family, but it is also important to not get frustrated if the other family members don’t get all excited over that one person’s cause!

Taking the “model and equip” approach has produced greater results in the compassion and service area of our children’s hearts than anything we could have ever MADE them do!

What is your experience with kids and compassion? What causes have your children shown interest in? Which of these steps would you like to work on in your home this year?

*This post contains affiliate links.

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Filed Under: compassion, kiddos, parenting, service

Less Yelling, More Praying: Bible Verses to Pray

February 25, 2013 By Erin 32 Comments

I’m taking this season of Lent to work on holding my tongue and yelling less at the children, and prayer is the major tool I’m turning to for help.

I love to base my prayers on Scripture – nothing better to pray, especially in the heat of the moment, than the Word of God. When I need a quick dose of grace and wisdom, a memorized Scripture or one stored in the prayer app on my iPhone can be just the thing to “talk me down!”

After some conversation on Facebook, it was confirmed for me that parental yelling is a complex, and common, problem. It’s not just about the kids doing something wrong. It’s not just about mom or dad’s anger. There are multiple reasons we raise our voices, so we need multiple prayers to pray for each unique situation!

For an example of how I’ve been praying these verses, let’s take a look at one I’ve prayed for both myself and the boys, Romans 12:18:

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

For myself I prayed: “Jesus, no matter what frustration I may feel with the boys today, help me to live at peace with them as far as it depends on me!”

For the boys I have prayed: “Lord, please help the boys to live at peace with one another {and me} today. Give them the self-control to stay calm when they are frustrated and avoid quarrels with each other.”

The list below is my starting point, as I’m adding new verses all the time! Some of the prayers are for myself – to control my frustration, have more patience, etc. Some of the prayers are for my boys – to help them be better listeners, work diligently, keep the peace with their siblings, and so on.

I hope this list will be a jumping off point for you as well!

Less Yelling More Praying Bible Verses

For Me:

A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them. ~Proverbs 15:18

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ~Proverbs 15:1

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. ~Proverbs 14:29

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. ~Colossians 3:17

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~Ephesians 4:29

A kindhearted woman gains honor, but ruthless men gain only wealth. ~Proverbs 11:16

You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. ~1 Peter 3:4

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ~Romans 12:18

For the Kids:

Disobedience:

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. ~Colossians 3:20

Help me understand Your instruction, and I will obey it and follow it with all my heart. ~Psalm 119:34

Disrespect:

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. ~Titus 3:1-2

Do to others as you would have them do to you. ~Luke 6:31

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ~Philippians 2:3

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ~Romans 12:10

Not Listening:

How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. ~Psalm 119:9

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. ~Psalm 25:4-5

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. ~Proverbs 12:15

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… ~James 1:19

Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. ~Proverbs 19:27

Fighting/Quarreling:

A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them. ~Proverbs 15:18

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~Ephesians 4:29

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ~Romans 12:18

Complaining:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~Ephesians 4:29

Do everything without complaining and arguing. ~Philippians 2:14

Laziness:

You will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance. ~Hebrews 6:12

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. ~Colossians 3:23

So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. ~Ephesians 5:15-17

Resources for finding verses to pray:

For Instruction in Righteousness

We Choose Virtues {cannot WAIT to share more about this soon!}

The Child-Training Bible

What verses do you pray for yourself or your children when you feel like yelling at them?

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Filed Under: motherhood, parenting, prayer, Scripture

Upside-Down Prayers for Parents is Here!

February 19, 2013 By Erin 11 Comments

Today is a very exciting day! One of the books I’ve been wanting YOU to read is being released today and I have all sorts of fun stuff to share with you to go along with its launch!

Upside-Down Prayers for Parents: Thirty-One Daring Devotions for Entrusting Your Child–and Yourself–to God is the newest release from one of the loveliest, most personable authors on the planet, Lisa T. Bergren. I love her children’s books. I love her novels. But this is my favorite book by her and I think it will grab you as well.

It’s all about praying brave prayers for your children – prayers that put them in God’s hands and not tightly in your own. It will take guts to pray through this book for your children, but as Jen Hatmaker says, “Brave moms raise brave kids.” That’s exactly why this book changed my prayers for the boys in a very good way.

I feel extremely honored {and super giddy, to tell you the truth} to have my endorsement included in the front of the book. Yep, right there along with Tricia Goyer and Karen Ehman and Barbara Rainey…totally out of my league, but thankful to be able to share how important this book is to me!

Also included in the endorsements is one of my dear blogging best friends, Amanda, and we have lots of fun and community planned to go along with this book. We want YOU to join us in praying through this book for your kids!

First of all, we’re having a little shindig over on Twitter this Thursday night, February 21st to celebrate the launch! Join us on Twitter from 8:00 to 9:00 p.m. CST by tweeting with the hashtag #UDPrayers and be entered to win one of ten copies of the book being given away that night! Make sure you are following Lisa {@LisaTBergren}, Amanda {@oohamanda}, and myself {@homewiththeboys} to catch all of the questions and giveaways!

Secondly, Amanda and I are hosting a Facebook book club of sorts so we can all pray through the book together in the month of March!

Upside Down Prayers Book Club

It will be super easy to join in! Just make sure you do the following…

1. Buy the book! WaterBrook is offering the book to you for 30% off and free shipping – snag this deal now so you’re ready when March 1st rolls around! Click here to order and use the code LEADER30 when you check out! It should be even cheaper than buying from Amazon!

2. Start reading! You’ll obviously want to read Amanda and I’s endorsements, right?! Oh, and maybe check out the introduction from Lisa before March 1st as well

3. Join the conversation on Facebook March 1st! Upside-Down Prayers has 31 chapters – one for each day of March! Read Chapter 1 on March 1st, then hop over to my Facebook page and Amanda’s to chime in on our discussion and find other goodies, such as Scripture to share and the occasional comment from Lisa herself!

4. Lather, rinse, repeat #3 for the rest of the month!

Oh, we so hope you will join us on this journey of laying bold prayer requests for our children at the feet of Jesus!

And lastly today, as special treat, I have a little interview with Lisa herself about praying for our kids! I was so blessed by her answers and hope you are as well!

Q: How have your prayers for your children changed over the years?

Lisa: When they were small, I think my prayers were more centered on basic physical and emotionalwell being–let them thrive, get over this illness, etc. And on me too–show me how to be patient when I’m at the end of my rope, Lord…Mold me into a better example for these little ones…

But now that they’re older (17, 14, and 9) I find myself more focused on that spiritual well being that this book, Upside-Down Prayers for Parents, really goes after. I want them to truly be brave and courageous for Christ, fully submitted and trusting in the One who loves them most. And part of that is my own journey of submission to our Savior…I’ve finally gotten far enough that I’m willing to relinquish any pseudo-control I have over my kids’ lives, and trust them to God. I want them to be rich, deep disciples, rich in the faith, and that means trusting that God will sustain them even through the tough stuff of life. Just as I trust him to hold me.

Q: What kinds of things do you pray for WITH your kids?

Lisa: We’re getting better about going right to God about things we’re wrestling with. It was awkward at first, but now I’m better at saying, “Let’s pray about that right now,” and then doing it with them. It’s tempting to say, “we should pray about that,” and then move on, but it’s really important to model for our kids how to pray “about that.” So we’ve prayed about kids that are causing problems for them, kids struggling with something, my own child’s struggle, direction, healing, peace, even the need for sleep when faced with insomnia. It’s all fair game!

Sometimes the older one will say, “not now,” and I honor that space she needs. But it’s a good example of starting early. As they get older, they might get less and less open to this idea. But if it’s always been a part of their experience (which it wasn’t in my eldest’s), it’s harder to introduce. My Middlest and Youngest will be less adverse to it, I think, because it feels more natural. We’ll see!

Q: What is your best advice for parents of little ones overwhelmed with where to start in praying for their kids?

Lisa: Start small. Prayers they memorize are a good start. But each night, add in one special sentence that tackles something that happened that day, someone that touched both your lives. You can show them how to make God relevant and present in the real conversation of prayer, in the space of 30 seconds!

Good stuff right there, isn’t it?!

A HUGE thank you to Lisa for bringing me along for this journey of prayer discovery! I can’t wait for all of you to join the adventure as well! We’ll see you at the Twitter party THIS Thursday, February 21st, and on Facebook starting March 1st!

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Filed Under: book club, book review, faith, motherhood, parenting, prayer

Raising Gentlemen: The Integrity Factor

February 18, 2013 By Erin 3 Comments

I’ve had so many conversations with other moms about how our children behave differently in public than they do at home. Some children are complete angels at home, but when they head out to the store or church or school, they have unleash their wild sides! Others might be like our boys: generally well-behaved and polite in public, but who tend to forget manners and respect at home.

I don’t think either situation is cause for panic – children have unique personalities and, on the path to maturity, they just need some instruction in learning how to act in a variety of social settings!

It’s why we’ve been trying to focus on the importance of manners and social etiquette with our boys, but I started to realize the appearance of politeness was becoming more important than the heart behind it. So there is another concept we are teaching them to guide this process: integrity.

The Integrity Factor

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines integrity as firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values, but I like the definition I once heard as it applies to personal character:

”Integrity is who you are when no one else is looking.”

And this is where we have begun with the boys. Learning manners and social etiquette is all fine and good and necessary, but it should NOT be about putting on a mask for others and acting a completely different way when those people are not around.

Kids are kids and there most definitely times for them to be wild and crazy. I have boys – this is reality! I must allow for their energy and adventurous spirit to be fully expended on a regular – daily! – basis. Trying to contain or restrict this energy will only lead to frustration for all of us!

However, I want our children to know that their “boyness” is never an excuse for rude behavior, at home or in public. And this is where integrity comes in.

Whether we are eating dinner at home, at a friend’s house, or in a restaurant, the same table manners will always apply.

The expectations for listening when another person is talking to you do not change whether it is a brother, parent, or friend talking to them.

Making the right choice is not about who is watching but about who they are on the inside. We will continue to instruct our boys in the ways of manners and hospitality and such, but with the emphasis being more on the heart of it all than the performance.

I wanted to share a few verses that are guiding us along the way…

Do to others as you would like them to do to you. ~Luke 6:31

The Golden Rule is very much at the center of all we teach to the boys. It applies to all social situations – family, friends, and so on!

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. ~Psalm 19:14

We want the Lord to be pleased with what is heard from our lips AND what is tucked away in our hearts. This speaks so well to integrity because it goes beyond the outward performance to their inner workings.

Remember, the sins of some people are obvious, leading them to certain judgment. But there are others whose sins will not be revealed until later. In the same way, the good deeds of some people are obvious. And the good deeds done in secret will someday come to light. ~1 Timothy 5:24-25

The good and the bad we do when no one is watching is still known to God. May the light find more good in us than bad!

And lastly, because we all need the reminder that we can’t “be good” on our own…

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13

Each night, we talk with the boys about asking God for renewed strength to do what is right and follow Him. I always remind them that I need to ask for God’s help multiple times throughout each day so they know they are not alone in needing grace and strength from Jesus!

Our goal is not to raise good performers in public, but men who are gentlemen whether they are being watched or not – men of integrity!

*We are still enjoying the lessons from Manners Made Easy, a biblically-based manners workbook by June Hines Moore! This is a great resource for social etiquette with Scripture and activities to support each lesson!

**This post contains affiliate links.

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Filed Under: boys, kiddos, parenting

This Mama’s Lenten Journey: Less Yelling, More Praying

February 14, 2013 By Erin 16 Comments

Confession: Yelling has become my go-to “solution” for getting my kids to listen.

It feels good to get that off my chest. Lest you think we live as a perfect little family where I speak and the kids hang on my every word, obeying without hesitation, I feel the need to break that dream bubble over your heads.

I really, really don’t like how much yelling has creeped into my parenting and I know Jesus has been nudging me to take a look at how I handle my frustration when the children are being disobedient or disrespectful or just plain not listening.

What to do about it…

Many Christians commit to give something up during the Lent season to more fully understand the feeling of sacrifice, so I could just tell you “I’m giving up yelling at my kids for Lent!” and call it good.

But I know that merely giving up something up for Lent without replacing it with more of Him has not done me much good in the past.

I’ve fasted from different foods in the past, but unless I added in a “more of God” part to my fast, it didn’t mean a whole lot. I had to purposefully spend more time in the Word or in prayer to draw closer to Him during the fast.

So, I AM trying my best to give up yelling at the children during Lent {and beyond}, but I can’t just leave it at that.

This Mama's Lenten Journey

Here’s the plan for my Lenten journey:

I’m gathering Bible verses and prayers to go along with the reasons that usually drive me to raising my voice. I’m using the prayer app Ann suggested {the free lite version for now} to keep the prayers close at hand. It is a great resource for organizing your prayers and setting up reminders to pray for people.

When I feel myself getting to the boiling point, I will take a deep breath, grab the app and find an appropriate prayer for the situation.

THEN, after I have taken my feelings to Jesus first, I will approach my children about the problem, hopefully more calm and more full of Him and His Will for all of us.

I’m getting all emotional as I write this because I want so badly to break free from using yelling to try to get their attention about anything except emergencies. I know Jesus is the only answer to stepping out of my not-so-wonderful way of handling myself. I’m stepping out with great hope on this Lenten journey towards more peace and prayer in our home.

I can’t wait to see how He brings our family closer together and closer to Him during these 40 days, because man, do I love these guys and want them to have the best of me…

Love these boys

Thanks to The Hubby for inspiring me to make my Lenten focus those closest to me – he blessed all of us when he did the same last year!

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What is your plan for Lent this year? Do you usually give something up? How can you add more of Him to your life during these 40 days?

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Filed Under: lent, motherhood, parenting, prayer

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

January 6, 2013 By Erin 1 Comment

Raising up godly children is a long-distance race. Long-distance runners pace themselves, knowing they will need to reserve energy for the whole length of the race. It is no different in our own lives as mothers. ~Sally Clarkson

I’ve been waiting for this day for several months now.

The most important book I read on motherhood last year {one of the most important I’ve ever read} is finally being released!

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe is based on two subjects I feel very passionate about – motherhood and mentoring. Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson, two dear friends of mine, share encouragement for every mom through their own mentoring relationship in this beautiful book.

As I read this book last fall, I did a lot of nodding in agreement, a lot of crying, a lot of underlining, and a lot of praying. I felt as if I was part of conversation about just how hard motherhood is – wonderful, but very hard.

The lifetime commitment that is motherhood will, many days, stretch you beyond what you think you can handle. ~Sarah Mae

Sarah Mae is just exiting the years of having very little ones. Sally helped her walk through those trying years. They both provide so much hope and understanding in their transparent words!

A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation. ~Sally Clarkson

Raising three boys {one who is still not sleeping through the night} often leaves me feeling breathless – in both good and exhausting ways. There are very few quiet moments in my day. Life is never boring, but can sometimes be overwhelming, especially when I try to do everything myself.

This is not the way it was meant to be! We need moms coming alongside one another to encourage and HELP, both with words and physical help. Desperate is a call for more of these types of relationships! {Check out the “No More Desperate Moms Resolution” right here – SO good.}

And I am SO glad it is available for all of you to read now as well! I’ll be going through it again with my Bible study starting in a few weeks and I cannot not WAIT!

This launch week for Desperate holds lots of exciting things in store for you…

Special Promotion from DaySpring

DaySpring has a special one-day offer for all of you who purchase Desperate through their site! When you buy the book from DaySpring on Monday, January 7th ONLY, you will get a free journal from them! You must purchase the book from DaySpring to receive the journal. The journal gift is good for Monday the 7th only.

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The following special gifts are for those purchasing books for small groups! You can purchase the book on Amazonand Barnes & Noble, as well as DaySpring as mentioned above. Instructions for receiving the free gifts follows the list!

*Purchase five books during launch week (with the goal of leading a small group) and receive:

Free custom print from Red Letter Words (400 available).
Free “Mother’s Love” art print.
Desperate, a DVD Companion study.

*Purchase eight books during launch week (with the goal of leading a small group) and receive:

Free custom print from Red Letter Words (400 available).
Free “Mother’s Love” art print.
Free custom Vintage Pearl necklace (50 available)
Desperate, a DVD Companion study.

**For more details on receiving your free gifts, along with a TON of launch week giveaways {including a spa weekend with Sarah Mae and Sally!!!}, visit this post on the Desperate Mom site!

Do you ever feel desperate as a mother? Has anyone come alongside you to help in those tough seasons? Have you been the one to help?

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Filed Under: book review, motherhood, parenting

Raising Gentlemen: Chores and a Manners Printable

November 17, 2012 By Erin 7 Comments

Your response to the “Raising Gentlemen” post from last week kind of caught me off guard – in a great way! I didn’t expect others to be so excited about the prospect of teaching our boys manners, but I’m so glad to hear many of you are feeling the same way!

Raising gentlemen has much to do with manners and chivalry, but there are other parts as well, and one of those parts just seemed to click with the boys these past two weeks:

Chores!

During 31 Days of Family Ties, I talked about sharing the workload with your family and how I have struggled with delegating in the past. In the past two weeks, I’ve made a concentrated effort to get the boys more involved with jobs around the house on a daily basis and on cleaning day.

And…

They love it!

Big J was counting down the days this week until he could scrub the toilets. I am NOT kidding.

The boys teamed up to rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher every day after lunch this week. They both did several jobs on cleaning day, including dusting and vacuuming. Every Wednesday, the boys help gather the trash from around the house.

I never anticipated them being excited to help around the house and maybe that’s why I didn’t ask before now: I didn’t want to fight them on it. It hasn’t ended up being a fight at all!

Sure, they still grumble when I ask them to clean up their toys at the end of the day – they’re not perfect. I asked Little J to put a stuffed animal away from off the table so we coud eat and he crumbled into a sad pile on the floor. Oh the drama…

But we have made HUGE progress in raising helpful gentlemen!

{The Happy Housewife has a great printable with age-appropriate chores for your kids! Definitely check that out!}

And we also had a great first week learning about WHY we use manners. The Manners Made Easy workbook is a fabulous resource so far! We’ve discussed how we get manners, the different kinds of manners, and how manners can help us in life!

There was a great quote at the beginning of lesson one that I just had to make into a coloring page for the boys. Coloring pages a great way to keep busy hands occupied while you read and discuss a lesson – my boys pay much better attention when they are doing a little coloring while listening!