I’m surrounded by men and women making a big difference in this world. Rescuing women and children from human trafficking. Running maternity homes in Kenya. Creating sustainable income for men + women living in poverty. They have taken God’s call in Isaiah 61 and acted on it. Their lives are proof of the love of Christ.

As I have read their stories, shared their stories with you, tried to find “my” place and way to help, I have also been swept away by thoughts that I needed to prove my love for Christ for all to see. Yes, my heart to serve is there, but so is my people-pleasing side and that desire to have my good deeds known.

Yep, confession time today. I want to help those in need and I’ve wanted people to notice.

God started to break that in me this weekend. I was suffering from choice paralysis. I had a good ugly cry on a friend’s shoulder, wanting to just forget all the suffering and need I had heard about and start over. I asked Him to tell me exactly where He wanted me serving. And He did, but He wasn’t done there.

After returning home, my church held a worship + prayer night, and God spoke. At a prayer station were the words of “The Proof of Your Love” by For King and Country. Being one of my favorite songs of the past year, I glazed over the words at first and headed back to my seat. I started to write something in my journal and this came out instead…

Let my PRIVATE life be the proof of Your love.

Just a few days earlier, I had felt a gut punch in the ballroom of a blogging conference because I didn’t know WHO to serve. Now I was feeling it because God was telling me HOW to serve.

It’s not that serving in the public arena isn’t important. I know you hear my heart there. The sharing of causes and the blogging trips and all of that is needed and important. People need to know of needs and how they can help. That is why I love to tell you about organizations like Compassion and fashionABLE and so on.

But Jesus wants my attitude, my behavior, my actions that only He and maybe my family sees to be the REAL proof of His love. If my life in private, in the walls of my home, doesn’t reflect His love, the rest is just a show.

Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:1-4

This is what He is speaking to my heart: “If you’re struggling to show my love in private – in your heart, in your home – let’s focus there first.”

The truth is, for me, it can be a lot easier to love those I am NOT in constant contact with every day. I am a very social, outgoing person who loves connecting with lots of people. But I end up giving the best of me to online communities, charities, even this blog, TRYING hard to prove my love for Christ in a very visible way. Then my husband and children get my leftovers, which usually means tired, irritable, less-than-joyful Erin. God is calling me to reverse that.

And now for three steps on how to make this happen…

Oh wait, I don’t have all the answers. I’m just processing this word He spoke. I think it looks like intentional time, being present, continuing to soak in His Word and listen expectantly for His voice, but there is no three-step process because He works differently in all of us. But I do want us all to let this sink in and motivate us to love better in our everyday, not always looking for places to love that people will notice.

I’m convicted today, but also hopeful. I hope you’ll join me in making our private lives the proof of His love first and then letting Him shine outward from there.

A more lighthearted side note: We get to see For King and Country in concert this weekend! I’ll be singing this song at the top of my lungs with them, knowing just what it means for me!