We celebrated ten years of marriage last May. I still don’t have any expertise in the area of being a wife, but I do have ten years of experience, and this last year was one of the biggest years of revelation for me in this area.
I’m not writing a post full of marriage advice today, but a post full of my heart for where I want to grow as a wife this year. I loved The Hubby when we got married, but through three children and job changes and all the twists and turns of life, I didn’t imagine I could love him this much more. And I want to show him that love in the everyday, every day.
I’ve set goals and made resolutions about writing and motherhood and my time with God before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever really cast a vision for our marriage in this way. God gave me clear ways to add vitality and strength to our marriage this year:
The hours we are actually together just the two of us are very few. Those hours often get filled up with online time and distractions and then it’s time to sleep and we weren’t really THERE with each other. This is almost always on my end. I want to show him that I value our time together enough to put everything else away and BE PRESENT. Watching TV is one of our favorite things to do together, but I tend to multi-task during this time. This year, I want to treasure our time, even our moments watching TV as a couple, cuddling or talking instead of tweeting or working.
Anyone want to give me lessons in this area? I’m kidding…mostly…but I really do want to be more intentional in flirting with my husband this year! It’s not that I don’t know what to do – I just need to act on it more! Flirting is fun and definitely adds spark to our marriage, so it is totally worth my attention in 2014! Plus, I think The Hubby is a hottie and he should hear that from me on a daily basis 🙂
Date nights take work and cost money, but I have never regretted a single date night we’ve taken. I just completely love spending time with The Hubby one-on-one away from everything else or even double dating with friends. In 2014, I want our date nights to be more frequent and I want to add some zest by trying new restaurants, doing more active dates, and just having fun being US. I put together a restaurant passport for our anniversary last year that lists lots of great restaurants in our area to try. I want to check off at least ten of those this year! Restaurant dates are our favorites because we love to eat and we love to talk for a long time after we eat!
Look AT Him, Not THROUGH Him
So, this could be an entire post in itself as it was one of biggest marriage revelations since having kids. Like most of you, when my husband comes home from work, I am often working on dinner and trying to keep kids from injuring themselves or one another. I see him when he comes home. We might give each other a quick peck. But I am usually looking through him to what needs to happen next.
In life as a mom and homemaker, there are ALWAYS things that need to happen next. And in my multi-tasking, ENFP brain, I have troubling focusing on the right here, right now. Even with The Hubby right in front of me, right across the table from me, right next to me on the bed, I spend far too much time looking THROUGH him to the things that seem urgent at the moment.
The truly urgent thing is my need to really look AT my husband. To appreciate him, to hear him, to see his needs and wants and dreams. I started to make this shift in December and I found even more love in my heart for him. I found him even more attractive. I saw more areas where I could be his helpmate and partner. This is life-changing, marriage-changing stuff for me, friends.
I also ASKED The Hubby how I could be a better wife this year. His answer was so simple and perfect and totally not overwhelming. Have you asked your spouse this question? It’s a great place to start.
I spent a lot of time praying for The Hubby in 2013 and that will continue, and I look forward to seeing how God blesses our marriage with this vision He has given!
What does a marriage full of vitality look like for you?
Read more about my goals for vitality…
The VITALITY Series
Thanks for the great reminder, Erin. I have trouble with being present because I’m always focused on the next thing on my to do list. I end up not living my life and enjoying my family, but always waiting for the next moment. I’m with you on being present for my hubby and really connecting.
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Thank you for such a valuable, life-giving message. I truly gleaned some real powerful reminders & new perspectives for my marriage!! The Lrd bless you & your family. Warm hugs, Kisha
I really enjoyed this post and congrats on 10 years of marriage. Have you heard of the new book by Sharon Jaynes called “Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe”? It sounds really good. I’m not married, but I do have a friend who’s very special to me and I’m thinking of using it to pray for him.
Thank you for taking the time to write this post. Your words lift me and give me hope. God Bless you and your family.